Resist the Rescue:  Raising Confident Children 

Promoting Competency and Independence in Children:

There are many ways caregivers can curate opportunities for children to develop skills that promote competency.  

Returning Responsibility 

It's natural for children to defer to adults for help.  There are many skills children have not yet developed.  Yet, whenever possible, it’s important to encourage children to attempt developmentally appropriate tasks.  

Frustration is a natural part of learning.  Instead of immediately stepping in, parents should focus on staying regulated and connected while the child works through the challenge.  Use phrases like, “I've seen you do something like this before. I think you can do it.”  It’s important to teach children to become their own coach.  The goal is to offer encouragement without taking over, allowing the child to experience the satisfaction of independence.  Additionally, parents model important skills that are required to push through difficult tasks- regulation, internal motivation, persistence, etc.

Make Space for Activities Without an Expected Outcome

Children benefit from activities that aren't focused on a specific result.  Art, music, building, and imaginative play give children opportunities to explore without the pressure to get it "right."

Give Children Meaningful Responsibilities at Home

Family life can provide children meaningful opportunities to develop competency.  Invite them to choose a dinner recipe, care for a pet, water plants, etc.  Choose responsibilities that are satisfying and manageable for their developmental level.  It’s important to celebrate these moments as a family.  Acknowledging them helps reinforce their sense of responsibility and belonging.

Support Competence Through Connection

Promoting competence means finding the balance between offering children support and giving them the space to try.  When children become frustrated, our ability to remain regulated and connected helps them learn to push through the discomfort.  We are modeling important skills that lay the groundwork for future development.